Well today it dawned on me what it is I’m actually doing and I’m struggling with finding the courage to undertake it. I know God is saying “I’m here holding your hand through fear” but even if you know your parachute is going to open, jumping out of the plane is difficult! I keep catching myself saying, forget it, its too hard, what’s the point, why are you doing this. Don’t get me wrong I know I’m doing the right things and for God’s will as I’ve prayed many many times and feel a peace about my plans, but as the time for the jump closes in, I’m being blinded by anxiety and fear about what to expect, what I’m going to gain, what’s going to happen to my family etc.
AS I think these things however, 1 verse comes to mind that is very prominent in my mind;
1 Peter 5: 6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Going back to the skydiving analogy as I have done many times, but its very real and prominent, before you jump you have 7 hours (sometimes 2 days) worth of training for the 5 second’s from when you leave the plane until you’re floating with the parachute above your head. I feel like I’m in the door at the moment and I’m ready to jump and waiting for the jump master to shout “Go” and I know what I need to do, I know the right things and wrong things to do that could mean the difference between a good jump and bad jump.
When I did my first jump, I was thinking how easy it would be just to sit in that seat, not get up and land safely and get out of the plane and get on with my life. This is the same with my life at the moment, I have a nice job, a nice car, some money and a routine that I could follow until retirement… very easily, what would that actually achieve in the end? What could I say to God when I stand in front of him? “I had the opportunity Lord and I heard you shout, “Go” and I did nothing”. Imagine on that first jump if I hadn’t have jumped. I would have landed, I would have gotten out the plane and had to explain to people why I didn’t jump, more than likely I would berate myself because of my fear. I don’t want that to happen with this.
God has been so awesome in my life and has helped open the door, I’ve been shown it, and I’m sitting there, its almost time for the big moment… I pray for courage to take the jump and to do it in God’s time and according to his will.
I would ask that you pray today for me that this feeling of fear and anxiety is taken away and that God will shout at the right time for me to go.
In Christ’s name.
Mikey.
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